I Don't WANT to be Here For the Food ANYMORE!
I'm getting so sick of eating. I know that is wayyy crazy for this gal to say but every time I turn around we're celebrating something else and having to eat. We are going out of town and having to eat. We are having people invite us to things where we have to go and eat. Then we go and eat just because the mood arises.
I AM GETTING TIRED OF EATING!!!
I am 8 months clean now on not smoking. I have an e-cig but I'm even at the lowest possible and fixing to stop that. And since then food tastes and smells so good that I've changed addictions. Food for smokes. Just this year alone we've gone to New Mexico twice, Las Vegas, Celebrated three birthday's, UFC fight nights at our home, gone with or met up with friends at restaurants and then Sunday and yesterday Sam and I did an over night thing in Austin for her State testing which we ended up eating out three times. Now Sam graduates and Sam and her friends want me to go with them to eat AGAIN. Ugh.... I wanna go home and get in my PJ's and curl up and watch my red box movies after she graduates!
But alas.... The sacrifices we make for the sake of the WEE ONES....
THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME. PERIOD. NO MORE. AT ALL. DONE.
Since stopping the smokes I have gained more than 20 pounds. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin anymore cause I've just caved into the cravings. Every. Last. One. So, after this graduation celebration this evening with My daughter and the girls I am stepping away from the food. Going out to eat will not exist in my world for quite some time and I will try to get back some form of my other self that I miss quite a bit. (Not that much if I let myself go in the first place right?) Sooo, I may start coming over here and chronicling my to do's, have done's and will do's.
Now I have to figure out what to wear this evening. Omg, I'm not looking forward to it at all. I wanted to wear jeans. Sam said there was only going to be 35 of them graduating. Until about 10 mins ago when her and her friend came up to my work to let me know this is a full blown graduation with 260 graduates. Well hell..... Just put me in a damn potato sack and roll me to my seat!
On another note I am so proud of Samantha. She has worked her little tail off going to school full time and then two and sometimes three part time jobs on top of school while keeping up with her social calendar and me having to let go just a little at a time. She swears up and down she will live with me forever cause she's not stupid. Her words. When all her friends couldn't wait to fly, she hung back and plays it smart. Now the fun begins. I give her another year. Tops and she'll fly. I've always told her that my door will always and forever be open but she needs to eventually get on with it and get out there. Get a good starting base with building clients, saving money, all that. But then get out there and live life. I know eventually now that she's out of college she'll get tired of having a curfew, lol!
So, here's to the last 19 years of getting her thru thick and thin and circles and squares. One door closes to youth while Adulthood looms before her in all its CRAZY glory. I guess I could or should be sad but she's still under my roof so it doesn't seem so real just yet that she's playing at the grown up thing. Maybe that day when she blurts out that's she's moving and then picks me up off the floor cause I've fainted, then it'll sink in. On the other hand, then there's William. He will be just starting High School next year so I imagine that will keep me busy all in itself. He's done EXTREMELY well this year considering the last 2 years in Jr High have been complete HELL with his grades barley at the 7o mark. This years hes flown on auto pilot all on his own with A's and B's. I am just so THRILLED with his turn around! I just hope with the big bad High School looming in the near future that he'll keep the coarse!!
I AM GETTING TIRED OF EATING!!!
I am 8 months clean now on not smoking. I have an e-cig but I'm even at the lowest possible and fixing to stop that. And since then food tastes and smells so good that I've changed addictions. Food for smokes. Just this year alone we've gone to New Mexico twice, Las Vegas, Celebrated three birthday's, UFC fight nights at our home, gone with or met up with friends at restaurants and then Sunday and yesterday Sam and I did an over night thing in Austin for her State testing which we ended up eating out three times. Now Sam graduates and Sam and her friends want me to go with them to eat AGAIN. Ugh.... I wanna go home and get in my PJ's and curl up and watch my red box movies after she graduates!
But alas.... The sacrifices we make for the sake of the WEE ONES....
THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME. PERIOD. NO MORE. AT ALL. DONE.
Since stopping the smokes I have gained more than 20 pounds. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin anymore cause I've just caved into the cravings. Every. Last. One. So, after this graduation celebration this evening with My daughter and the girls I am stepping away from the food. Going out to eat will not exist in my world for quite some time and I will try to get back some form of my other self that I miss quite a bit. (Not that much if I let myself go in the first place right?) Sooo, I may start coming over here and chronicling my to do's, have done's and will do's.
Now I have to figure out what to wear this evening. Omg, I'm not looking forward to it at all. I wanted to wear jeans. Sam said there was only going to be 35 of them graduating. Until about 10 mins ago when her and her friend came up to my work to let me know this is a full blown graduation with 260 graduates. Well hell..... Just put me in a damn potato sack and roll me to my seat!
On another note I am so proud of Samantha. She has worked her little tail off going to school full time and then two and sometimes three part time jobs on top of school while keeping up with her social calendar and me having to let go just a little at a time. She swears up and down she will live with me forever cause she's not stupid. Her words. When all her friends couldn't wait to fly, she hung back and plays it smart. Now the fun begins. I give her another year. Tops and she'll fly. I've always told her that my door will always and forever be open but she needs to eventually get on with it and get out there. Get a good starting base with building clients, saving money, all that. But then get out there and live life. I know eventually now that she's out of college she'll get tired of having a curfew, lol!
So, here's to the last 19 years of getting her thru thick and thin and circles and squares. One door closes to youth while Adulthood looms before her in all its CRAZY glory. I guess I could or should be sad but she's still under my roof so it doesn't seem so real just yet that she's playing at the grown up thing. Maybe that day when she blurts out that's she's moving and then picks me up off the floor cause I've fainted, then it'll sink in. On the other hand, then there's William. He will be just starting High School next year so I imagine that will keep me busy all in itself. He's done EXTREMELY well this year considering the last 2 years in Jr High have been complete HELL with his grades barley at the 7o mark. This years hes flown on auto pilot all on his own with A's and B's. I am just so THRILLED with his turn around! I just hope with the big bad High School looming in the near future that he'll keep the coarse!!
Comments
Girl - you have SO much on your plate (sorry, no pun intended) but congratulations on the non-smoking; this will be something you'll be happy about the rest of your days. Of course, when we put one thing aside, we pick something else up. Don't beat yourself up!!!
Take it one MOMENT at a time. Just try to substitute the fattening with something else. I know this is harder than hard. But you CAN do it. You're probably not even a teeny bit fat anyway!! Don't you guys sometimes do the low carb? I know when I need to lose, that's what I do. And, speaking of which, I need to do it now. I've been having some dental surgery for a while now which means the low carb isn't going to work. I'm having to eat things that aren't that healthy because I can't "chew" right now.
I know you're so proud of Sam; heck, I'm proud of her too. She is doing exceptionally well for a girl her age. Hey, when she does get ready to be on her own; she'll always remember that she wasn't in any hurry to move and you can be proud of that. I could not wait to move!!
Will is doing great also; I'm so happy to hear that!
So glad to see you today. Love you to bits and as I said, do not beat yourself up. Crystal, it's much healthier to have a bit of weight than to be smoking.
xoxo
mammy