Memory Lane

How often do we travel that lane into the past? Everyone always goes down it when things are bad, comparing it to something in our present life. Just the other night Tim and I were on the way to the store and a few songs came on that had me just out of no where asking him questions of the past. I look over and he's got the deer in the headlights look like he's thinking, "Will this be used against me later???"

Who we are now, like everyone knows, is not who we were in the past. Granted, we do keep certain traits and habits that we carry with us through out our lives but some of these are stunted, stopped, bloom or grow like wild fire.

I can think of a memory that I have just shared with Tim. I was in kindergarten. I liked a little boy named Shane Davis. Remember that I was 5-6 at the time...I wanted him to be my boyfriend and I was on a mission to make it so. I think I scared him more than anything else with my forwardness and so every time we had recess he would run the other way. Well, this just ticked me off and made my goal of capturing him all the more important so I set off in a dead run hollering his name. Oh, he noticed and took off like the hounds of Hell were nipping at his heals and couldn't get away fast enough. I caught him, threw him up against a tree smack dab in the middle of the tiny play ground and kissed him. I walked off of coarse. I can't really remember if I left him there crying or not but all I remember is having to sit out the rest of the week in recess. But it was so worth it. I was more proud of myself for completing what I had set out to do that I don't think I was grinning like a Cheshire cat because of the kiss. Afterward came nap time. I figured if I could do that then I was going for broke and making him MY boyfriend so I asked him because he was just one mat over. He freaked out when I asked him telling me to stay away from him. Well this just ticked me off. I then proceeded to grab his leg, pull his sock off and went to hitting him with it. As he screamed I look up and noticed my teacher coming up the row with her fly swatter in tow. Boyfriend in the making forgotten I hightailed it all over the classroom with her right at my heels. I can't remember if I was laughing or not but I do remember looking back and she had a not so nice look on her face while calling out my name. To say at 5 and 6 years of age that I was not assertive and maybe even a little single minded would be a complete understatement for sure. Question is is when exactly I lost that assertiveness. The first time someone said I was ugly, fat, or not good enough? Who knows. It's a daily battle to get it back and these days I pick and choose when I will try. Who knows, I may just run home this evening, throw Tim up against a tree and kiss him while telling him that he WILL be my husband...think he'll fall for it?? I'd love for him to tell me no ; )

Now was that the only mishap as a young pup? Would I be me if it were? I remember my love of gymnastics started out around that age, maybe a few years afterwards. Watching a movie about Nadia Comăneci once with my mom had me falling in love with the sport. I wanted to be her. Her struggles were so profound to my young and naive mind and seeing all her obstacles and triumphs just did it for me. I remember in said kindergarten class doing cart wheels on tables with the same teacher chasing me again. As the years passed I would gather a team of friends and coach them onto how I was to be trained, what they were suppose to do as my spotters and teaching myself how to do gymnastics on my own. My band of merry men, so to speak. I could be such the little leader when I wanted to.

I even remember being younger and mom had bought me a pretty pale blue with white lace dress. I couldn't have been more than 3 or 4. As soon as she put it on I just loved it, loved it, loved it. I loved it so much I even ran out of the house down the road wearing my princess dress with all the adults screaming in laughter that I wouldn't take the dress off. It hung up in my closet through out even my teen years and every once in a while I would smile at the memory. I imagine my mom still has it. She, in her words, keeps everything. I believe it..

I remember swinging with a girl that to this day I am still friends with. Her name is Wendy and we were swinging at the daycare we both attended. Be would fight with each other more times than not but on this day were were friends. I remember getting up to get a rock and when I sit down again I noticed her big toe. I thought she had the most beautiful red nail polish on and right before I make the comment from thought to words she gets up screaming and crying that I hurt her. She runs in to tell the teacher and I stick myself back on the swing wondering what I did now. Come to find out when I was called into the teachers office (over the years I spend A LOT of time in the teacher or Principal's office) she informed me that I had stepped on Wendy's toe and ripped off her whole toenail. It wasn't blood red nail polish that I found so beautiful but the real thing staring back at me. I spent a day or two sitting out yet again from recess. I tried telling the teacher I didn't know I did anything but my words apparently fell on deaf ears.

I was a dare devil back in my youth as well. Climbing and jumping from tall trees. Balancing on teeter totters while dreaming of being in the circus (that one found me busting my chin open on concrete) climbing on ledges, rooftops and other high places. Jumping off diving boards only to land on my chin yet again and busting it open...yet again. I was dazed but okay and when the lifeguard ran up to me he was only checking to see if I still had my tongue and hadn't bit it in two. I was jumping off the diving board over to the side of the in ground and yes, concrete pool where my friend was. My chin broke my fall... Riding friends bikes down extremely "steep" roads only to loose control eat yep u got it...concrete and actually skid the rest of the way down. Would I run screaming to my mom? nah, I ran for the nearest neighbors water hose, washed all the blood and dirt, picked out all the embedded rocks and limped all the way back up the hill/road with the friends bike only to find something else to do.

I liked to "not" listen to others too. Especially when I was holding knives. They say no and I did it anyway. I have a few reminders of those memories as well. The parents would say "no, you can't keep that, throw it away." Me? The parents would only wonder a month later where that sick putrid smell was coming from and find it in the top of my Holly Hobby vanity and those REAL Easter eggs they told me to chunk? I opened one of the drawers and would you look at that?!?!? The eggs turned into cute little worms!!!! Momma can I keep them?!?!?! Oh, and if I even caught the sound of a mouse in the house??? It was my pet because I would always catch them, put them in trash bags and hang them on hangers so when I got out of school I could come home and play with them. Only to walk in and find every bag with a hole at the bottom and NO mice.

Oh I have many more memories that make me smile when I look back. As the years go by I remember more and even make more for myself and with others. This is part one of a few more blogs to come. Hope you found at least one story of me that made you smile :)