Reality hits as they get older...
I've been sitting at my computer for a while now thinking of words to say to you. There is and always has been so much to say. But, where to start. These last 16 years have been the main part of my life. Life before this is a blur. Life changed in so many ways when you came to be. As I sit here typing I can easily tear up when looking back on all the years you have been apart of my life. The moments we've shared. The up's and the down's. The happiness and the sadness. All the while thinking how did I get lucky enough to have someone like you in my life.
When we have kids the first thing that comes to mind for most people is that we are creating a part of ourselves to live on well after we, have passed. Then, when all that time is spent with kids fighting not to be what we wanted them to be,(us) we just can't figure out how the hell to parent you now that you want to be pig headed and be your own person. But, never doubt that there is not extreme pride in you wanting this.
I can remember a memory of a young pregnant girl riding down the road, being no more than 21. It was night time and headed home. On the radio, a song came on that will always be in my minds eye when thinking of you. Tim McGraw's Don't take the Girl. Of coarse, it didn't really have meaning for me until the last of the song....
Take the very breath you gave me
Take the heart from my chest
I'll gladly take her place if you'll let me
Make this my last request
Take me out of this world
God, please don't take the girl
Dealing with some pretty serious complications of my own pregnancy this song had a meaning for me that you will never truly recognize until you have children of your own. I would have glady done all these things and more if that meant and means that you will go on to live a full life. I would like to think that all mothers feel as extreme about protecting their children as I do but I know that isn't always true, sadly. That night listening to that song and hearing the end I cried and cried, finally realizing that there was life inside me and how precious it was and will always be. You and I, we laugh regularly about inside jokes pertaining to grenades and trains but I wouldn't think twice sweet girl. I wouldn't think twice..
I remember sassy smiles, strawberry milk bottles, cowboy boots and Barney video's. Prancing around the house like you were a movie star and the world was your stage. No, being a very common word in your small vocabulary and wanting to dress yourself at the extremely old age of 5. As the years would pass so would the many faces of "Sam." U were and still are and i'm betting that you will always be difficult to raise with your headstrong attitude and quick witted and sharp tongue. But, as time passes I see all these past negatives being in your favor if used correctly. Operative word Sam...Correctly...;)
A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path. The past 16 years as your mother have filled me with many emotions, some understood and some not. But, always with unconditional love. I love you Samantha Lynn Mathis. You will screw up, test limits and infuriate us all half the time but it's the other half that I look apon while raising you. You are cherished, you are loved. You will always and forever more, be my daughter.
This is as far as I can make it thru this one Sam. The feelings are too strong and too real that my time with you is coming to an end and the door to your future is slowly beginning to open. When driving full force thru that door called the future remember one thing. Who you will become will be seen thru the windshield when it's your time to "take the wheel" of your own path but always remember I will always be there in the rearview mirror when you need me and always, patiently loving you....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMANTHA
When we have kids the first thing that comes to mind for most people is that we are creating a part of ourselves to live on well after we, have passed. Then, when all that time is spent with kids fighting not to be what we wanted them to be,(us) we just can't figure out how the hell to parent you now that you want to be pig headed and be your own person. But, never doubt that there is not extreme pride in you wanting this.
I can remember a memory of a young pregnant girl riding down the road, being no more than 21. It was night time and headed home. On the radio, a song came on that will always be in my minds eye when thinking of you. Tim McGraw's Don't take the Girl. Of coarse, it didn't really have meaning for me until the last of the song....
Take the very breath you gave me
Take the heart from my chest
I'll gladly take her place if you'll let me
Make this my last request
Take me out of this world
God, please don't take the girl
Dealing with some pretty serious complications of my own pregnancy this song had a meaning for me that you will never truly recognize until you have children of your own. I would have glady done all these things and more if that meant and means that you will go on to live a full life. I would like to think that all mothers feel as extreme about protecting their children as I do but I know that isn't always true, sadly. That night listening to that song and hearing the end I cried and cried, finally realizing that there was life inside me and how precious it was and will always be. You and I, we laugh regularly about inside jokes pertaining to grenades and trains but I wouldn't think twice sweet girl. I wouldn't think twice..
I remember sassy smiles, strawberry milk bottles, cowboy boots and Barney video's. Prancing around the house like you were a movie star and the world was your stage. No, being a very common word in your small vocabulary and wanting to dress yourself at the extremely old age of 5. As the years would pass so would the many faces of "Sam." U were and still are and i'm betting that you will always be difficult to raise with your headstrong attitude and quick witted and sharp tongue. But, as time passes I see all these past negatives being in your favor if used correctly. Operative word Sam...Correctly...;)
A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path. The past 16 years as your mother have filled me with many emotions, some understood and some not. But, always with unconditional love. I love you Samantha Lynn Mathis. You will screw up, test limits and infuriate us all half the time but it's the other half that I look apon while raising you. You are cherished, you are loved. You will always and forever more, be my daughter.
This is as far as I can make it thru this one Sam. The feelings are too strong and too real that my time with you is coming to an end and the door to your future is slowly beginning to open. When driving full force thru that door called the future remember one thing. Who you will become will be seen thru the windshield when it's your time to "take the wheel" of your own path but always remember I will always be there in the rearview mirror when you need me and always, patiently loving you....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMANTHA
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