Feel the sexy, Be the sexy...

Lol, I love being in my head 3 weeks out of the month. As we all figured out a few posts back it's not a good thing to be stuck up there when Mother Nature comes a callin. Scary like stuff goes on. Anyway, as for the post for today. We've all done it and tried it. Some succeed and some are named Crystal and fail miserably at it.

Ever just climb out of the shower and start to dry off only to wrap the towel around you with a wicked grin because you know on the other side of the door lays the man of your dreams? (No mom, Fabio is not on the other side of your door so stop it.) Well, if your anything like me (hopefully not) you'll make it just as far as wrapping the towel around you and then as soon as you grab for the door to go try and seduce your guy, u have an epitome. Totally off subject and totally what I wasn't thinking about just one second before making for the door knob. God has a woman... He has to. It just makes sense. And instead of throwing the door open while imaginary seduction music plays in the background and as I slowly saunter my way through the bedroom making my way to the man I call the hubin I instead excitedly throw the damn door open asking, "Do you believe that God has a woman??"

Of coarse, if I remember right the Hubin may have rolled his eyes, laughing while grabbing his head like a full blown migraine was hitting him smack between the eyes at the time of my revelation. Who knows what goes on in that head of his. He doesn't tell me and he silently pleads that I not inform him of mine either. In saying this my Hubin gets the man of my life award every damn time just for the simple fact is that he actually smiles every time I say some off the wall comment or question and believe me, I can come up with some whoppers.

Now, back to my point. The Hubin and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years or something like that. I'm not one of those types that count down the years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds, milliseconds and so forth. I didn't say I never have, just that I haven't with Tim. Lately. OK, Our first year I did because I had to keep my ambushes straight and with my ninja like skills I just had to keep track OK?! But after we got married I kind of lost track of the time. I was married to the man I so patiently and stealthy stalked and I could finally just say to hell with it, we're gonna wing it from here on out.

Out of that time together I have realised over and over that I have not nor will I ever be a seductress. IT JUST ISN'T ME PEOPLE! Oh, lots goes on in the brain and I can imagine for eternity that I am some kitten type vixen and even go through the play by plays of how it all starts, dragging out the fore play until I have him squirming at my feet and with a colossal, dramatic ending all with the seeing of stars, the heavens are a singing and I am a happy girl. And then as I think this the next scene in my head is of me but with an Angelina Jolie-ish look and feel to the dream with me coming down the stairs in a smokin sexy nightie and 6 inch heels, hairs all done up in that "come hither" style and half way down I bust my ass and end up looking like one of the 3 stooges that just got bitch slapped and all the way down you hear "woop, woop, woop" like Curly did every time Moe was after him.

I swear, the stuff I come up with. I really do try though. At my bridal shower I received lots of sexy nighties and all pretty much made out of nothing but lace. I'll get a wild hair up my butt and for the umpteenth time think that THIS will be the time my efforts actually go as planned. I go in the bathroom (more like sneak in while rubbing my hands together and sounds may squeak out sounding like mwuhahahahaaaaa. Or something like that.) to get all sexy-fied up. Retouching my war paint, I mean make up. Taming my Tina Turner fro, I mean fluffing my hair. Sensuously sliding into my granny panties, I mean hardly anything there but a piece of thread lace thong. And the feeling of the silky lacy naughty nightie sliding up my legs like butter only to bring it all the way past my boobs and remember which damn nightie I just put on and then busting out laughing and thinking that my extremely CONSERVATIVE grand mother has got some awesome taste.

I think that's my problem. I can't keep my mind IN the gutter long enough to pull it off. I start thinking and the channel always gets switched to comedy central and it goes down hill from there. WHY IS THIS PEOPLE?!!? I just don't get it. But, I'm glad to say that none of this has ever had an effect on the outcome, lol! I swear, right now I'm laughing. SEE?!?! I just can't keep it together. Do they have meds for sexual ADD/ADHD? And yes, I have busted out laughing right in the middle of sex, OK?! I imagine you already knew that but still. I told you that the Hubin loves me. I don't know if I could handle me if I were a guy, LOL!!

Oh there's more stories I could tell but Dad has already walked up past my desk three times while I've been writing this so as to not have him stomping around the next pass, I'll sign off now. And yes, I tried and failed at flirting with the hubin just this morning. As I was leaving I grabbed his rump. I just couldn't help it. If it didn't look like that and me always liking to have my hands on him whether it be a grab, hug or head lock, I just can't help it. Isn't that what being with someone is all about? Trial and error? U screw it up once, try again later? At anything?? Lol! I can't help it that the razor he was holding almost sliced his neck and didn't really get the wide eyed expression when he sweetly told me not to do that while he was shaving. To tell you the truth I didn't even realise he was shaving. I was too busy looking elsewhere ;)~

To say I give up in flirting and seduction rituals would be a lie. I love my Hubin and even though we can laugh our butts off at the most inopportune time we just click. Maybe that's what adds to the appeal or maybe it's just another way to keep things interesting. Forget learning new moves of seduction or throw away the Kama Sutra books of a 1000 different positions. Just let me open my mouth and the first thing that comes out won't have anything to do with what's fixing to go down and see what kind of time we have and who can stop laughing first;)