A time for change
Well, just like the title of this newest post, I do believe there is always a time for change in any area of one's life. Figuring out WHAT exactly to change is the hard part. My daughter, Sam, came home yesterday after being gone for about 2 months. It probably would have been longer but she has a camp she needs to attend this week up at her high school. She'll be a sophomore this year and when talking with her a bit last night about school stuff I think she's going to have a pretty amazing school year.
Did you know they teach fashion design now at school? Yep, Sam enrolled in the class and I bet she does extremely well. She's "all things fashion" and most times can pick out the most stylish of clothes. She'll be taking another Spanish class and loves to use it every now and then. Simple words, of coarse. She made it for spirit leading and come to find out, it won't be an all year thing like it use to be when I was in school. Use to, any sports out there that was played, the spirit leaders made signs, passed out candy and routed for the teams at all the games. Not so much these days. Football is all they do now...Well that's a bummer.
A friend of mine and I were talking this past Friday afternoon and she said something to me that I've been really thinking about all weekend and even more so now that Sam is back. The girl friend and I were talking or even comparing our teenage daughters. Her daughter is 18 now and I just pumped her for any info, help or advice she could throw my way when she was telling me a little story of them always fighting. Daughter tells mom that sometimes she doesn't need for her to talk, just to listen. That sometimes they both confuse each other trying so hard to figure out when mom is suppose to be just that or just there as a "friend". To listen, not to give mom advice.
So now, whenever they get together to talk my friend asks her daughter, " Am I your mom right now or just a friend?" And this has helped them tremendously. WHY?!?! I asked her..And her reply? Because, it cuts out the majority of the analyzing and ESPECIALLY the nit picking parents do to their kids that end up pushing them away in the first place. Yes, kids drive us BONKERS 80 percent of the time but we as parents don't help matters by suffocating them to where they never want to talk to us anymore, move out as quick as they can or end up making every one's life a living hell for the time they remain under the families roof. And yes, I am just as guilty in doing that as the next parent. I'll ask 50 million questions, say no to everything, ask for any and all explanations for why a comment was made or why it was said in that manner, what it has to do about, who it has to do about, check phones and emails and social networking, rooms and on and on and on and on.........Damn...I think I'd get a lil ticked off too. Lol, and I do believe I did when my mom did it to me back in my teen years. How did that turn out? Well, if I remember correctly as I got older she started giving me a little more "breathing room."
No one ever wants to feel suffocated. In any relationship. I may not know what is best 100 percent or even the majority of the time but damnit all to hell I will not screw up any chance that I have, had or WILL have with some kind of bond because of my own insecurities as a parent trying to raise kids. Or thinking that since this is what happened to me, or a friend of mine or a family member that I know what's best and the answer will always be no. Loss just came up and bitch slapped my ass and said see ya and the bond that I have had for so many years has been damaged. I can't afford for it to be broken and non-repairable like so many other parent/child relationships that are out there. And funny thing is? It's NEVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE IT.
My daughter has very good qualities about her. She's a very loving and extremely loyal person, even when you think she hates you. I know things about my daughter that only a mother knows about her child. People ask how we know or how we think we know so much. And every time it rubs me the wrong way. I don't have to explain my relationships. Especially dealing with my children. I know them, I know how they act and how they think. Period. I've had friends second guess me thinking i don't know how my kid thinks and I'm sitting here going wth?! I guess I'm saying all of things to myself. I'm tired of second guessing my choices and feelings. Time to man up and change things. Kids can't learn by an example if an example from the ADULT is not given. And it's about darn time I start acting like one. I can so understand my kids confusion because she's looking and seeing my confusion so who's the adult if no one knows anything? Understand??
Oi...I think I need some chocolate, lol! On a lighter note I am feeling and doing much better. Tim, my husband, has been the bestest nurse. I try helping with normal things and he slaps my hand away, makes a grab for things first or just flat out tells be no, lol! I sure love him for paying enough attention. It's nice to be cared for.
We went to two tracks over the weekend and even though it was hotter than hades, it was still a blast. I've missed so much jumping in the truck after loading everything up and hitting the road, traveling to who knows where to watch the guys or just Tim play around. Tim bought a new little camcorder and I can even take pictures while I video. Pretty cool. Of coarse, nothing beating the clarity of my big camera and one of these days I'll remember to bring it home from work. May need to do that right now before I forget, lol! William had a wonderful birthday and got what all he wanted. Everything still at a cheap price so all was good. Ty still hasn't left for the Air Force yet. His ship out date was suppose to be this week but they made some changes so now he's just working and playing the waiting game. Poor thing.
Well, that's all I got today. Venting completed for now, lol! Might go to the gym and do some light walking per the doctor's release. YAY! I feel like such a couch potato right now!! Have a great evening guys!!
Did you know they teach fashion design now at school? Yep, Sam enrolled in the class and I bet she does extremely well. She's "all things fashion" and most times can pick out the most stylish of clothes. She'll be taking another Spanish class and loves to use it every now and then. Simple words, of coarse. She made it for spirit leading and come to find out, it won't be an all year thing like it use to be when I was in school. Use to, any sports out there that was played, the spirit leaders made signs, passed out candy and routed for the teams at all the games. Not so much these days. Football is all they do now...Well that's a bummer.
A friend of mine and I were talking this past Friday afternoon and she said something to me that I've been really thinking about all weekend and even more so now that Sam is back. The girl friend and I were talking or even comparing our teenage daughters. Her daughter is 18 now and I just pumped her for any info, help or advice she could throw my way when she was telling me a little story of them always fighting. Daughter tells mom that sometimes she doesn't need for her to talk, just to listen. That sometimes they both confuse each other trying so hard to figure out when mom is suppose to be just that or just there as a "friend". To listen, not to give mom advice.
So now, whenever they get together to talk my friend asks her daughter, " Am I your mom right now or just a friend?" And this has helped them tremendously. WHY?!?! I asked her..And her reply? Because, it cuts out the majority of the analyzing and ESPECIALLY the nit picking parents do to their kids that end up pushing them away in the first place. Yes, kids drive us BONKERS 80 percent of the time but we as parents don't help matters by suffocating them to where they never want to talk to us anymore, move out as quick as they can or end up making every one's life a living hell for the time they remain under the families roof. And yes, I am just as guilty in doing that as the next parent. I'll ask 50 million questions, say no to everything, ask for any and all explanations for why a comment was made or why it was said in that manner, what it has to do about, who it has to do about, check phones and emails and social networking, rooms and on and on and on and on.........Damn...I think I'd get a lil ticked off too. Lol, and I do believe I did when my mom did it to me back in my teen years. How did that turn out? Well, if I remember correctly as I got older she started giving me a little more "breathing room."
No one ever wants to feel suffocated. In any relationship. I may not know what is best 100 percent or even the majority of the time but damnit all to hell I will not screw up any chance that I have, had or WILL have with some kind of bond because of my own insecurities as a parent trying to raise kids. Or thinking that since this is what happened to me, or a friend of mine or a family member that I know what's best and the answer will always be no. Loss just came up and bitch slapped my ass and said see ya and the bond that I have had for so many years has been damaged. I can't afford for it to be broken and non-repairable like so many other parent/child relationships that are out there. And funny thing is? It's NEVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE IT.
My daughter has very good qualities about her. She's a very loving and extremely loyal person, even when you think she hates you. I know things about my daughter that only a mother knows about her child. People ask how we know or how we think we know so much. And every time it rubs me the wrong way. I don't have to explain my relationships. Especially dealing with my children. I know them, I know how they act and how they think. Period. I've had friends second guess me thinking i don't know how my kid thinks and I'm sitting here going wth?! I guess I'm saying all of things to myself. I'm tired of second guessing my choices and feelings. Time to man up and change things. Kids can't learn by an example if an example from the ADULT is not given. And it's about darn time I start acting like one. I can so understand my kids confusion because she's looking and seeing my confusion so who's the adult if no one knows anything? Understand??
Oi...I think I need some chocolate, lol! On a lighter note I am feeling and doing much better. Tim, my husband, has been the bestest nurse. I try helping with normal things and he slaps my hand away, makes a grab for things first or just flat out tells be no, lol! I sure love him for paying enough attention. It's nice to be cared for.
We went to two tracks over the weekend and even though it was hotter than hades, it was still a blast. I've missed so much jumping in the truck after loading everything up and hitting the road, traveling to who knows where to watch the guys or just Tim play around. Tim bought a new little camcorder and I can even take pictures while I video. Pretty cool. Of coarse, nothing beating the clarity of my big camera and one of these days I'll remember to bring it home from work. May need to do that right now before I forget, lol! William had a wonderful birthday and got what all he wanted. Everything still at a cheap price so all was good. Ty still hasn't left for the Air Force yet. His ship out date was suppose to be this week but they made some changes so now he's just working and playing the waiting game. Poor thing.
Well, that's all I got today. Venting completed for now, lol! Might go to the gym and do some light walking per the doctor's release. YAY! I feel like such a couch potato right now!! Have a great evening guys!!
Comments
What you describe with your friend sounds kind of like a discussion between a man and a woman...the woman just needs to be heard, and the man is trying to 'fix' it. Hmmm
You're a great mom, and your children are very blessed to have you! They're gonna be just fine. And, yes, listening is SO important!!
Never occurs to me to function as a friend and never has ... and mine are age almost-30, 27, 24, and 21. Three girls and a boy. Of course I'm not the suffocating -- or doting -- type although I am quite vocal and opinionated *news flash* ...
I've been lucky when it comes to my kids and nobody knows it better than me. I hope they would say the same. I know we all share a lot of love and respect.