Pondering, I guess
I thought to get over here for a few minutes. I'm finding the time. Can't be lazy and say one thing and do another like I've normally done in the past. And it doesn't help having a facebook where everyone glances at it at least once or twice through out the day and you can always just put a short summary of goings on there with pictures included. I've also noticed the problems with Blogger through mom's facebook and coming over here to read others and comment and finding out I couldn't. SO, here I am. Writing the LONGER version of what I put on facebook.
For quite a while now I just haven't been in the mood to write. My imagination has gone south quick and it's hard to get it back where it once was. I can remember a time when I would post such emotional blog posts it had mom yelling at me to stop making her cry. Or having others rolling around laughing their pants off at how imaginative my mind could be. Where did it all go?
It went to life I guess. Not being married and having all that comes with it had me most days sitting and reading fiction novels that would always keep my imagination at the forefront, then adding that to my writings when blogging. Not meaning this in a selfish way but not being married had me paying more attention to myself and my wants and needs. Now that I'm married I'd like to think it's a good thing and that my husband, Tim, is meeting my wants and needs there for me not having to think on it as much. Add the kids and growing up into the mix and I'm asking myself, "Crystal who?" Lol!
I remember a post I wrote a while back asking myself when I started depending on Tim. I still think about it sometimes while I look at the life I have now. Not much though. I kind of like the idea of depending on him. It makes me smile when I think to myself that I depend on his compassionate heart to ask me what's wrong because he's paid enough attention to notice. Depending on his intellect to follow through and help me over come what's troubling me. Depending on his quick whit to make me smile and his fun loving nature to make me laugh. It's nice to depend on someone that won't just ask the question but go all the way until every thing's right again.
I also remember a post about raising kids and blending families. It's been tough and one heck of a bumpy ride the past three years with getting use to everyone in a family setting or under one roof. Figuring out personalities and if we couldn't how to change coarse to more of a support role for the other parent. When to let go of authority and just be there as a person wanting to help and not so biased because of the closeness of the relationship or the lack there of. Back when I wrote the post I wasn't dealing with Sam or Will being allowed to step out on their own to be with friends or love interests. (Or crushes..whatever the official title for it is.) But now, Sam IS stepping out. When I came into the relationship with Tim, Ty was already 16 and coming and going as he pleased as long as he flew right and kept his grades up. He would hang out with us occasionally or drop by with his friends before shooting out again somewhere.
Now it's Sam's turn. She's turned 16. Started drivers Ed and now is finishing up with it. Her dad and step mom have kindly given her her first vehicle that she will drive when she hopefully gets her license in September. Until then we are finishing up on driving hours that have to be met and allowing her to hang out with friends and do more outside the home and without parental supervision. It's hard letting go like that. Blindly trusting. Letting the control slip just enough not to suffocate the child that's turning into an adult. Depending on her and who she's with to keep her safe. Depending on Tim to help keep my mind off wanting to chain her to her bed until she's at least 35. And then watching a friendship between her and a guy friend turns into interest other than friends while I'm on the phone making doctor appts based on my own paranoia. Oh yes, I'm not as naive to think that kids will do what you say or won't do things you yourself did when you were a teen trying to do your own thing without parents involved.
Then there is Will. Turning 12 this month is really making me aware that he's not my chubby little Pillsbury Dough Boy anymore. He's an inch and a half shorter than me now, starting to thin out and his mind is growing with the 20 question game we play on a daily basis. Tim and I have recently had "the talk" with him and it was Will's idea. I have hoped like crazy that the kids would come to me with anything. I didn't and on occasion got me into a world of trouble. The kids are coming to me and wanting to talk. They may hate me sometimes and want nothing to do with me the other times but I can proudly say that they are FOR ONCE, doing what I asked them to do. And, there again it's nice to think I can depend on Tim for calming growing pain fears for me and the kids should they need and want his support as well. Tim has helped Will come out of his shell. Now, we can't shove him back in, lol!
Anyway, I really didn't have a certain point to this post. Just trying to catalog my thoughts I guess. Saying what's in the moment. It always makes me feel better when I write. Maybe one day I'll get me a small laptop or ipad that way where ever I am I can bust out my feelings and emotions. As is I can pull my blog up on my phone but it's just too small to write more than a paragraph. Oh well. One thing at a time ;)
Enjoy the rest of your week~
For quite a while now I just haven't been in the mood to write. My imagination has gone south quick and it's hard to get it back where it once was. I can remember a time when I would post such emotional blog posts it had mom yelling at me to stop making her cry. Or having others rolling around laughing their pants off at how imaginative my mind could be. Where did it all go?
It went to life I guess. Not being married and having all that comes with it had me most days sitting and reading fiction novels that would always keep my imagination at the forefront, then adding that to my writings when blogging. Not meaning this in a selfish way but not being married had me paying more attention to myself and my wants and needs. Now that I'm married I'd like to think it's a good thing and that my husband, Tim, is meeting my wants and needs there for me not having to think on it as much. Add the kids and growing up into the mix and I'm asking myself, "Crystal who?" Lol!
I remember a post I wrote a while back asking myself when I started depending on Tim. I still think about it sometimes while I look at the life I have now. Not much though. I kind of like the idea of depending on him. It makes me smile when I think to myself that I depend on his compassionate heart to ask me what's wrong because he's paid enough attention to notice. Depending on his intellect to follow through and help me over come what's troubling me. Depending on his quick whit to make me smile and his fun loving nature to make me laugh. It's nice to depend on someone that won't just ask the question but go all the way until every thing's right again.
I also remember a post about raising kids and blending families. It's been tough and one heck of a bumpy ride the past three years with getting use to everyone in a family setting or under one roof. Figuring out personalities and if we couldn't how to change coarse to more of a support role for the other parent. When to let go of authority and just be there as a person wanting to help and not so biased because of the closeness of the relationship or the lack there of. Back when I wrote the post I wasn't dealing with Sam or Will being allowed to step out on their own to be with friends or love interests. (Or crushes..whatever the official title for it is.) But now, Sam IS stepping out. When I came into the relationship with Tim, Ty was already 16 and coming and going as he pleased as long as he flew right and kept his grades up. He would hang out with us occasionally or drop by with his friends before shooting out again somewhere.
Now it's Sam's turn. She's turned 16. Started drivers Ed and now is finishing up with it. Her dad and step mom have kindly given her her first vehicle that she will drive when she hopefully gets her license in September. Until then we are finishing up on driving hours that have to be met and allowing her to hang out with friends and do more outside the home and without parental supervision. It's hard letting go like that. Blindly trusting. Letting the control slip just enough not to suffocate the child that's turning into an adult. Depending on her and who she's with to keep her safe. Depending on Tim to help keep my mind off wanting to chain her to her bed until she's at least 35. And then watching a friendship between her and a guy friend turns into interest other than friends while I'm on the phone making doctor appts based on my own paranoia. Oh yes, I'm not as naive to think that kids will do what you say or won't do things you yourself did when you were a teen trying to do your own thing without parents involved.
Then there is Will. Turning 12 this month is really making me aware that he's not my chubby little Pillsbury Dough Boy anymore. He's an inch and a half shorter than me now, starting to thin out and his mind is growing with the 20 question game we play on a daily basis. Tim and I have recently had "the talk" with him and it was Will's idea. I have hoped like crazy that the kids would come to me with anything. I didn't and on occasion got me into a world of trouble. The kids are coming to me and wanting to talk. They may hate me sometimes and want nothing to do with me the other times but I can proudly say that they are FOR ONCE, doing what I asked them to do. And, there again it's nice to think I can depend on Tim for calming growing pain fears for me and the kids should they need and want his support as well. Tim has helped Will come out of his shell. Now, we can't shove him back in, lol!
Anyway, I really didn't have a certain point to this post. Just trying to catalog my thoughts I guess. Saying what's in the moment. It always makes me feel better when I write. Maybe one day I'll get me a small laptop or ipad that way where ever I am I can bust out my feelings and emotions. As is I can pull my blog up on my phone but it's just too small to write more than a paragraph. Oh well. One thing at a time ;)
Enjoy the rest of your week~
Comments
Secondly let me say, your children could never hate you. They may act like it sometimes (I remember those days) but they love you dearly and they WANT the boundaries that prove your love for them. Nothing is sadder in this world than a kid whose parents do not care enough to set boundaries and stand strong against the sometimes overwhelming tides of peer pressure and cultural influence. My favorite saying about parenting is "Be the heavy and you'll see the light." All your watchcare pays off in the end. Hope you're staying reasonably cool down there in Texas. I love your family. God bless you, dearest!
And thank you so much for the advice. And I thought birthing babies and taking care of them when they were babies was hard. I remember that I couldnt wait until they were teens and I didn't have to worry so much. SO naive back then. I am learning I will ALWAYS worry. As the years go by it'll just be different worries! We've had a time with Sam over the last year but like myself going thru a temp hard time/phase in my youth she has gotten passed all that and realises things that wont be repeated and to listen to others so other things wont be an issue!
I'm so happy that you now have Tim at your side as a loving husband, and a helpmeet in the issues regarding the kids. I cannot believe that Sam is ready to be driving; she was just a little girl such a short time ago. And, Will coming into his own in such a marvelous way. They are both such sweethearts and are a reflection of your awesome motherly love. You're doing everything right; don't doubt that for a moment.
When you find yourself worrying about those precious children, I believe you can rely on the fact that now they are talking which is a matter of trust. They trust you, and that's not something that every mother can relate to. Hey, I didn't "talk to" my mom, but Patti has always talked to me. I might not have liked what she told me at times, but I like to think I never judged her or that she thought I did.
It's always so good to see you here. Love you bunches. :)
Thank you sweet Sally girl. I love you ;)
hughugs