Learning Lessons

Sometimes learning lessons is a hard pill to swallow. Most times when it's a lesson you don't want to learn you fight against it and some of us fight like we're going into battle. Especially if you are a teen.

Sam had to learn a little "tough love" yesterday. She needed gas in her car so I handed her my debit card and told her to go get it. The whites of her eyes bugging out was my first indication that I would most definitely be coming up against some...resistance. That is a mild way of putting it. When faced with the unknown I guess we have all freaked out a time or two and on very different levels. Teenage girls, namely my kid is very much on that dramatic side of things when doing this. What follows afterwards is about 5 minutes of inside and outside of the house of Sam, not so nicely (OK, she was rude) trying to convince me that she couldn't do this, didn't know how and on and on it went. At one point I had to get loud with her just to talk over her.

Now stop...this is where there are a multitude of different ways that parenting can come to play and how we deal with things that the kiddos dish out.

1- take away her vehicle for her rudeness and then tempt the hand of fate that we may just deal with this same scenario again the next go round while all the time diverting from the main lesson I'm trying to teach.

2- Do it myself, also prolonging the inevitable of a lesson learned.

Or

3- Make her do it. Kicking, screaming, yodeling, pulling her hair out, sky diving, whatever. But, it will be done.

What lesson am I trying to teach before we get too far gone is that there will be things in life that she will have to just jump in and do. Warning of impending doom may give her a heads up or something will come out of no where and just straight up smack her in the forehead that she will have to learn something new she doesn't know how to do.

Now, it's  the reaction that dictates the outcome. "Sure mom, can I have the card? Can I call you if I have questions?" This kind of reaction will get her a big yes every time. It's telling me that she is open minded and willing and without fuss enough to leave the dramatics for the theater and go on. Where as she took a different route by just freaking the hell out. Can't get more basic or blunt on the subject without getting dramatic myself.

Or, She can do what she did and get upset, getting me hot behind the collar at a accelerated rate and getting Tim upset wanting to defend me and not put up with her sassing her mum and even having the dog looking a little shell shocked. And leaving every one in a fowl mood afterwards.

So, we all are going to look at this situation with different eyes. I'm looking at it through eyes of a girl, a teen and an adult. I could have done so many things other than just telling her to shut the heck up and go. And yes, she did call me when she got to the gas station and I did walk her through it with her calmly listening and doing as I told her. Afterwards when she returned to the nest she came in and found me and the first thing she said was that she was sorry. She didn't give anyone the cold shoulder, roll her eyes, smart off or walk straight to her room and slam the door while hibernating until the next morn. Like she use to do.

So, other than learning lessons, reactions I guess could be the title of today's post. I won't even begin to do a post about understanding the WHYS of others reactions. I try and teach my kids many things about life, love, loyalty, honor, respect as well as self respect. We go through our whole lives learning these lessons about ourselves and others. Some would have not allowed her to go and spend the money I was allowing her, some would have taken the vehicle away as a lesson to learn about appreciating what you have and what is freely given. Maybe its the way I look at things and not through rose colored glasses but just through my own eyes as her mother. The lesson and the punishment were the same. Making her learn how to do something (almost) all on her own. The act of physically doing it. Her punishment was making her follow through, not go back in the house and get out of doing it. I could have yes, addressed the rudeness, taken her car, not allowed her the money for the gas and so forth but this was not a problem I wanted to see in the future so I mad a choice and I overlooked her rudeness, let her take the money for the gas and keep her vehicle just so I could follow through with the lesson I wanted her to learn in the first place.

Would have, could have, should have or didn't. Slowly but surly Sam is coming out of her negativity of the past. And boy what a knock down drag out of a ride it has been. She has made a good amount of progress. And I have parented in so many different ways, looking for the skill that will work. What I have figured out about this is that there is no set skill. You have to roll with the punches and you have to change it up. Why? Because life is change and if I'm still parenting like I was 16 years ago it just won't work. I take every situation differently and sometimes my parenting skills will change. And in that, Sam just taught me a lesson about life. I'm not teaching Sam that it's OK to bad mouth, smart mouth, be a rude person. We all have the skill to be that and we are that sometimes to others whether we are 3 or 103.

Now, I could write about this for years and in a way I will but am finished for today. I am a thinker and so todays post is covering what all I thought about after Sam learned the lesson I taught her. Now I will go to Amazon and see if I can't find books. Lots and lots of books, to read. For the last few days I have been without and it is a lot easier getting me through my gym workout when my mind and thighs aren't reminding me of the burn. Plus, when left to my own devices, I pick quite a bit on hubby. And he always winds up hurt....

Hmm, go figure;)

Have a wonderful and safe weekend guys!!