Birthday's and thoughts
Well, Tim woke me up about 3:30 this morning saying happy birthday. Yep, the big 3-7 today. I'll have to ask mom but I thought I was born around 3:12am? So, for him to wake up and tell me that was a special treat. :) I lub him. These past two years have been something else. He's taught me so much about love. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll stay with me for the next 37 years of my life. Maybe.
I don't know the exact story of my birth but in short, mom almost died having me. I mean seeing the white light at the end of the tunnel, the damn turd is halfway running down the thing to get to the other side and Dad's yelling at her and anyone else to HELP!!! Apparently the dang doctor put a whole through her uterus and sewed her up. A time or two I've thought of how life would have turned out had she died. Thinking about my mom not being here use to scare the hell out of me. Another day, another story..Let's just say that not even God himself could stop me from keeping her here with me. (Sorry mom. U ain't dead yet;o)
Damn, 37 years. I think out of all the birthday's I've had, 27 for some STRANGE reason was the one I couldn't deal with. It scared me, frightened me, confused me and whatever else. It just did. No reason but it just felt like I was 97 and didn't have much time left, lol! Crazy what we think of isn't it?
And that was 10 whole years ago. For the past few weeks I've been thinking back to that feeling I had and wondered if I would have it again at 37. Nope. I guess with life evolving, ME evolving like I have, I've accepted aging and look forward to it. Death? At 27 I thought I wouldn't see 37. Don't know why but I always thought I would die before 30. Guess in a way at 30 I did. Long boring story. Anyway, having loving, caring and positive people in my life has helped a great deal as well. Death to me now? Just a stepping stone. Bring it...But not quite yet. I've finally found a little happiness and I would love to see lots of loving memories be made.
It's been a busy pre-birthday weekend with going to a local MX track to play around Friday, an out of town lake with new friends on Saturday and then an out of town MX track and yummy out to dinner meals on Sunday. Like the name of this Blog, there has been LOTS of laughing. People may think it dumb to think of so much sometimes. Maybe it's because at 27 I didn't. And looking back, I can't really remember what my thoughts were. Or maybe I do but just don't want to go there, to that place anymore. All I know is that now, because of the people in my life, it has made me SO MUCH, appreciate life.
Isn't that what it's all about? Living the best you can, loving and the risk be damned and thanking God everyday that you're lucky enough to be blessed and wonder what the hell you did to deserve it? Yep, it's been like that for a while now.... Finally.
I don't know the exact story of my birth but in short, mom almost died having me. I mean seeing the white light at the end of the tunnel, the damn turd is halfway running down the thing to get to the other side and Dad's yelling at her and anyone else to HELP!!! Apparently the dang doctor put a whole through her uterus and sewed her up. A time or two I've thought of how life would have turned out had she died. Thinking about my mom not being here use to scare the hell out of me. Another day, another story..Let's just say that not even God himself could stop me from keeping her here with me. (Sorry mom. U ain't dead yet;o)
Damn, 37 years. I think out of all the birthday's I've had, 27 for some STRANGE reason was the one I couldn't deal with. It scared me, frightened me, confused me and whatever else. It just did. No reason but it just felt like I was 97 and didn't have much time left, lol! Crazy what we think of isn't it?
And that was 10 whole years ago. For the past few weeks I've been thinking back to that feeling I had and wondered if I would have it again at 37. Nope. I guess with life evolving, ME evolving like I have, I've accepted aging and look forward to it. Death? At 27 I thought I wouldn't see 37. Don't know why but I always thought I would die before 30. Guess in a way at 30 I did. Long boring story. Anyway, having loving, caring and positive people in my life has helped a great deal as well. Death to me now? Just a stepping stone. Bring it...But not quite yet. I've finally found a little happiness and I would love to see lots of loving memories be made.
It's been a busy pre-birthday weekend with going to a local MX track to play around Friday, an out of town lake with new friends on Saturday and then an out of town MX track and yummy out to dinner meals on Sunday. Like the name of this Blog, there has been LOTS of laughing. People may think it dumb to think of so much sometimes. Maybe it's because at 27 I didn't. And looking back, I can't really remember what my thoughts were. Or maybe I do but just don't want to go there, to that place anymore. All I know is that now, because of the people in my life, it has made me SO MUCH, appreciate life.
William wanted to go to daycare. Movie day. Can't miss that, lol! Sam came home last night. She got in late so I don't know how long she'll be staying. A night or two I guess. She loves living with her dad and apparently it's going very well because she mentioned moving there. I have lots of mixed feelings but I listened to her, told her how much I loved her and that our home was always open to her. Guess that will be a post for another day. Still thinking about it all. Most people say not to think too long on something. Maybe one day I'll learn that little trick. I've had her pretty much all to myself since she came into this world. Control and letting go is hard to let go of and do.
Isn't that what it's all about? Living the best you can, loving and the risk be damned and thanking God everyday that you're lucky enough to be blessed and wonder what the hell you did to deserve it? Yep, it's been like that for a while now.... Finally.
Comments
Love ya, girlie :)
LOVE YOU!!
hughugs
I had the same kind of feelings you did when I was in my twenties, but that, too, is a story for another day.
Your happiness shines through, though, Crystal, and that's a beautiful gift that we're all (who know you, even if we don't meet in person) the recipients of. You're very blessed to be surrounded by loving people, and that's a huge gift in itself.
I know that whatever Sam decides; you'll always be in her corner. Both of your kids are VERY blessed to have you!!
Okay, I gotta go now; Hunter is wanting to keep playing "mom" with me the kid~she calls me 'sweetheart', do this, do that. lol