The First Day of the Rest of My Life
Well, here's another year upon us. Will you be like me and write 2011 fifty million times until you get it right and move onto 2012? Lol, Our dispatcher and I at work will be laughing at each other for probably many weeks to months of doing just this.
So, any New Years resolutions for the new year? Me, not so much. Over all I want this new year to bring out a new person inside of me. Not looking back at some fond memories of how I thought, acted or felt so I'm looking forward to 364 days of waking up and automatically thinking that each day will be the best I can make it and that I will be as inspiring, helpful, accepting and loving as I can be. It is, after all, a day to day process, is it not? I won't look to the future and start expecting things from myself. It'll end in total failure. I can't expect that I'll always think like this. Daily, I'll try as hard as I can. I can't expect that I'll always feel like I do now, Daily, I'll try to be as positive as I can. i can't expect that I'll always be as excepting as I want to right at this moment. Daily, I'll have to believe in myself enough to do so. But, I can expect myself to love no matter the problem, struggle or issue that wants to come my way. Whether it be from inside my own home or outside my own world.
Over the years, I've made resolutions such as lose weight, eat better, quit cussing, stop smoking, blah, blah, blah. Are those more important than treating myself, my family and others the best I can? I'm pretty sure that I've had my priorities a little screwed up from year to year if those were the best I could come up with. Although the only one out of that list that I do need to work on is the smoking thing but I'll address that when I see fit. I can't do anything with people breathing down my neck to do something or change something else. With any type of change it has to come from within and always has to be freely wanting. If not, it won't ever work. Guess that's the way of life as well.
So, now that Christmas has passed and the New Year is now, I have made good use of my time alone while Tim has been away seeing his son, Ty, in Delaware. And I haven't done too much thinking and that has helped tremendously. That's a work in progress but moving on, I painted both our bathrooms and I just LOVE it! After the flooring was put in I was stomping around the house just needing to make that change to our house. And I am SO glad I did. The color I ended up getting is a burnt almond and was a little darker than what I expected but committed, I finished our bathroom and fell in love with how it ended up. So much so, I did the kids bathroom as well. Even going as far as pulling out some unused decorative stuff I haven't used and put it in both our bathrooms. WOW....what a difference and it's really like living in a new home so I REALLY can't wait to paint the rest of the house! And I think I'm just as excited to be doing something. Using my creativeness and hard work to accomplish something that makes, in a way, our lives a little bit better. It's an amazing feeling just to walk into a clean, smell good, nice looking home.
Speaking of home. The kids and I have spent the last week living like the Three Musketeers we once were. I loved it. I really did. But, something was just...missing. Sam, surprisingly, slept in my bed with me the whole time Tim was gone. She hasn't done that since I lived in my pawpaw's home and that was quite a few years ago so I was secretly squealing with glee that Sam felt like she could still do that even being the age she is now. My baby girl. Nice feeling, that. And of coarse, every night Will would run into my room, jumping on the bed yelling, SAM!! You're sleeping in here AGAIN?!?!?!?!" And then try to worm his way up the middle as Sam and I both yelled for him to get out!!! Lol, it was quite funny but each night after all the lights went out I still felt my smile falter a little. Home is where the heart is and my kids AND my husband are where my heart and home are. It just didn't feel like "home" since Tim has been gone. Life wasn't as "complete" with him gone. We can fuss, cuss and show our butts to one another but damnit I LOATH when he's not here. And I know that when he's gone it's a reminder to me at least, that like I said in the above writings, that I have to make it a daily thing to better my life and the people in it. I love that as soon as Tim walked through the door this afternoon I felt like crying I was so happy to see him. Does that remind me that I am still just as wanting of him in every way as I once was? You bet your sweet ass I am. If I could only bottle feelings....I would bottle these and it would be the most precious of things to me. Happiness, memories, love. It's what we make and it's what is freely given. Love isn't hard, it isn't difficult. Love isn't the problem. Happiness either. It' s us. We make it all hard when it doesn't have to be. Well, with me taking things on a daily basis I shouldn't have as hard a time as I did in years past. I think i'm finally making headway. Good feeling, that.
So, that's it for me. I've finished painting the 2 bathrooms, cleaned the house, took down all the Christmas decorations and the tree and let Pepe to spend some much needed "daddy time" with Tim. Animals are just like us and he needed his time with Tim. If not, he would be depressed for days and well, with a new year, a new way of living this life. I plan to make it the best days I can from now on. And so far? It's been the best yet...
So, any New Years resolutions for the new year? Me, not so much. Over all I want this new year to bring out a new person inside of me. Not looking back at some fond memories of how I thought, acted or felt so I'm looking forward to 364 days of waking up and automatically thinking that each day will be the best I can make it and that I will be as inspiring, helpful, accepting and loving as I can be. It is, after all, a day to day process, is it not? I won't look to the future and start expecting things from myself. It'll end in total failure. I can't expect that I'll always think like this. Daily, I'll try as hard as I can. I can't expect that I'll always feel like I do now, Daily, I'll try to be as positive as I can. i can't expect that I'll always be as excepting as I want to right at this moment. Daily, I'll have to believe in myself enough to do so. But, I can expect myself to love no matter the problem, struggle or issue that wants to come my way. Whether it be from inside my own home or outside my own world.
Over the years, I've made resolutions such as lose weight, eat better, quit cussing, stop smoking, blah, blah, blah. Are those more important than treating myself, my family and others the best I can? I'm pretty sure that I've had my priorities a little screwed up from year to year if those were the best I could come up with. Although the only one out of that list that I do need to work on is the smoking thing but I'll address that when I see fit. I can't do anything with people breathing down my neck to do something or change something else. With any type of change it has to come from within and always has to be freely wanting. If not, it won't ever work. Guess that's the way of life as well.
So, now that Christmas has passed and the New Year is now, I have made good use of my time alone while Tim has been away seeing his son, Ty, in Delaware. And I haven't done too much thinking and that has helped tremendously. That's a work in progress but moving on, I painted both our bathrooms and I just LOVE it! After the flooring was put in I was stomping around the house just needing to make that change to our house. And I am SO glad I did. The color I ended up getting is a burnt almond and was a little darker than what I expected but committed, I finished our bathroom and fell in love with how it ended up. So much so, I did the kids bathroom as well. Even going as far as pulling out some unused decorative stuff I haven't used and put it in both our bathrooms. WOW....what a difference and it's really like living in a new home so I REALLY can't wait to paint the rest of the house! And I think I'm just as excited to be doing something. Using my creativeness and hard work to accomplish something that makes, in a way, our lives a little bit better. It's an amazing feeling just to walk into a clean, smell good, nice looking home.
Speaking of home. The kids and I have spent the last week living like the Three Musketeers we once were. I loved it. I really did. But, something was just...missing. Sam, surprisingly, slept in my bed with me the whole time Tim was gone. She hasn't done that since I lived in my pawpaw's home and that was quite a few years ago so I was secretly squealing with glee that Sam felt like she could still do that even being the age she is now. My baby girl. Nice feeling, that. And of coarse, every night Will would run into my room, jumping on the bed yelling, SAM!! You're sleeping in here AGAIN?!?!?!?!" And then try to worm his way up the middle as Sam and I both yelled for him to get out!!! Lol, it was quite funny but each night after all the lights went out I still felt my smile falter a little. Home is where the heart is and my kids AND my husband are where my heart and home are. It just didn't feel like "home" since Tim has been gone. Life wasn't as "complete" with him gone. We can fuss, cuss and show our butts to one another but damnit I LOATH when he's not here. And I know that when he's gone it's a reminder to me at least, that like I said in the above writings, that I have to make it a daily thing to better my life and the people in it. I love that as soon as Tim walked through the door this afternoon I felt like crying I was so happy to see him. Does that remind me that I am still just as wanting of him in every way as I once was? You bet your sweet ass I am. If I could only bottle feelings....I would bottle these and it would be the most precious of things to me. Happiness, memories, love. It's what we make and it's what is freely given. Love isn't hard, it isn't difficult. Love isn't the problem. Happiness either. It' s us. We make it all hard when it doesn't have to be. Well, with me taking things on a daily basis I shouldn't have as hard a time as I did in years past. I think i'm finally making headway. Good feeling, that.
So, that's it for me. I've finished painting the 2 bathrooms, cleaned the house, took down all the Christmas decorations and the tree and let Pepe to spend some much needed "daddy time" with Tim. Animals are just like us and he needed his time with Tim. If not, he would be depressed for days and well, with a new year, a new way of living this life. I plan to make it the best days I can from now on. And so far? It's been the best yet...
Comments
mammy
Sally girl, The best to you and yours as well!!!!
Mammy, Loving you too;))