You CAN

Well, in a nutshell, this morning I got on Facebook to see an old high school friend post that she didn't want to live any longer. I haven't seen her since we were in school and there isn't a number or address for her that I could find. She had lots of people talking to her, giving her prayers, advice and phone numbers for a way to talk out what she was contemplating or even if she just needed someone.

I jumped over here to rant my own feelings about this subject and got half way through my post when Tim calls. The timing was perfect and he, some how, automatically always knows when something is bothering me. Whether he can just sense it, hear it or whatever, he just knows. I told him what was going on and my own feelings about it. I was angry. I feel for anyone going through severe things. And to end ones life, the person must be going through something that they think is so severe that they can't see anyway out enough to deal. I get this. But, what I don't get is the actual action. We all have our most secretive and private thoughts that no one will ever know about or only if we speak them aloud will they be out there for others to hear. I bet everyone has thought in there darkest times that ending it would solve so much. Some go one to do it while others realise through their own ways or ways of others that this is not the way to go about making things right. There's nothing right about it on so many levels and then everyone in your life is affected by your outcome.

When I was at my darkest period in life I wanted things to end. I didn't care how they ended either. I wanted things to stop and I knew, in a split second, that I could harm. Whether it be myself or my kids because at that time, it was just me and the kids in the house. My ex husband was at work and it was the middle of the night. In that split second I also shared a thought right along with the other that no matter what life threw at me I couldn't. And in the next several minutes following those two thoughts and as crazy, fecked up in the head as I was for those several weeks I made a decision to fight for life. I locked myself out of my house and waited for help. When help came the next morning before the kids awoke I pleaded, begged and raised all sorts of hell until I finally got it. Afterwards, it took another year for me to finally get right. Mentally, because your doctor not always knows what's best for you and if you take a pill that he prescribes for you, it doesn't always make things go away. It makes things so much more worse than you could ever imagine. Hell came for a visit and I got the hell out of there as fast as I knew how to.

So, as I was saying..Tim calmed me down after listening to my reaction to my HS friend and reminded me that I can't control others thoughts or actions. That all you can really ever do is just be there in any way you can to help but that's really all you can do. Hopefully, this girl will snap out of her thoughts of doom and gloom and accept the many hands that have been offered her. She can take a step back and just think, one day at a time. One moment, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Life doesn't come knocking on your proverbial "life" door and say hey, your going to have a wonderful future if you can just figure out a way to make it there." No, life throws everything at you at the wrong time, wrong moment with wrong people, in wrong places and half the time you end up making the wrong choice. Then life sends you a little note (maybe in the form of a friend, family member or even a stranger) saying that all of that you've just been through is called experience, so learn from it so you can make that appointment for a better future. Life shows us that it's OK to reach out for help. Even if you are all alone in the world with no where to go and no one to call, there IS always someone out there that is willing to help you. There are people that won't give up nor allow you to either. Whether it is someone you know or not. They will fight for you when you can not.

I don't know...we are all the same age, my class mates, my friends, my generation. But, we are all at different stages of life. We are all learning different things at different times. I guess the point to this whole thing is that you have to keep your beliefs. If you believed all your life that God can see you through anything then don't fail him and doubt when it doesn't happen when you want it to. I'd like to think that we haven't finished learning some valuable lesson he is trying to teach us so we can attain that better life in the future. Whether that future is a week away or 50 years away. Keep your faith. Be patient. In times of need or not, talk to someone and tell them your worries and fears. And who knows this girls story. I'm just rambling now and really thanking Tim for calling. I was so angry. Why? Because after all the things I have been through, and others have been through a lot worse, I appreciate life a zillions times more now than I did back then. Even going through bad times now. We all have our own ways of dealing with bad things but I keep praying to God that ending ones life is not the only way out of it. Like the post Heading, you can do whatever you set your mind to. And if it's a bad situation your trying to get away from, you CAN do that as well. There is always a way...